Support & Self-Care for Women

That tricky phrase “self-care” seems to be everywhere these days.

Reading it may elicit feelings of “been there, tried that,” and I am with you on that 100%.

So, let’s just pretend you’ve never even seen a Refinery29 or Buzzfeed article called something like “the Top Ten Self-Care Activities You Should Try,” which likely included taking a bath, doing a face mask, getting that $100 face lotion, taking a million-dollar vacation, buying yourself something nice, or getting a $500 balayage hair treatment.

Living in a culture where everything is constantly exposed and externalized…

…has made it so that we look to others, social media, and external sources for our sense of self-worth.

We Instagram our breakfasts and count the likes on the photo… or feel small and insignificant when we don’t get many likes at all.

We get the balayage and revel in the compliments we get… or feel unimportant and unattractive when no one notices.

We buy the Range Rover and feel that sense of satisfaction when other people see us get into it in the parking lot… or feel unimportant when no one is there to see it.

We buy the trendy winter coat online and get excited about its showing up in the mail… and then feel deflated and empty when we’ve worn it once and the novelty has worn off.

We take a bath and snapchat a picture of the candles and bubbles to our friends… but when we put our phones down, the quiet is deafening and scary.

The list goes on…

Let’s start over and talk about the purpose of caring for ourselves…

This may be obvious, in which case I apologize for the basic explanation; but this is something I had to learn myself to really understand the power (and simplicity) of caring for myself.

Caring for ourselves is about learning to fill the quiet moments of alone time with nourishment – things that we enjoy just because they’re good for us.

It’s about the fun of exploring what makes you feel really good and what you really DON’T enjoy. It’s the process of listening to your insides and doing the things that make your soul sing AND avoiding things that leave you feeling empty.

And knowing both sides of that coin is absolutely key.

Here’s an example…

I love taking baths. I would take three per day if I could. It’s my time to be quiet, breathe as deeply into my lungs as possible, and thank myself for taking 20 minutes to relax. Damn, does it help me feel like I can trust me to take care of me.

I have a friend, however, that hates baths and thinks they’re weird and gross. She hates the idea of sitting in a vat of stagnant water. If she tried taking a bath, she would be mad at herself, she would be annoyed at the waste of time, her body would get MORE tense, and she wouldn’t feel like she trusted herself to engage in self-care activities that suit her best. She initially felt like there was something wrong with her because baths didn’t satisfy her… every self-care article she read had baths at the top of the list. But that’s just not her!

So, she explored a little more and found that lighting a candle, turning on some jazz, and working on a puzzle for 20 minutes made her feel amazing. And that recipe sounds horrid to me! That simply wouldn’t make my insides say, “Yes this is wonderful.” And there is nothing wrong with me for that, just like there’s nothing wrong with her for hating baths. And by the way, in ten years we may completely swap as our bodies and minds change throughout the course of life.

No snapchats, no Instagram, no one to witness it.

It’s just for us.

The adventure of exploring self-care is a continuous journey that helps us take a moment to get to know ourselves.

It builds our sense of trust that we can self-nourish and rely on ourselves. It’s not about Instagram likes, or attention from others, or anything in the external environment. It’s about getting to know our personal recipe of wellness and finding that self-reliance that comes from really listening inwardly and knowing with certainty what our bodies are telling us about our needs. No one else in the world can tell us what those things are – just you.

And there is so much power in being able to hear and respond to your needs effectively.

The reality is that most of us don’t know how to do it. And that is okay.

I can help you learn.

When was the last time you took a deep breath, cleared your mind, and tuned into your inner voice? Maybe doing that sounds completely foreign, and you’re wondering what the hell I’m talking about.

You know that internal dialogue you have with yourself all day, every day? It’s the one that reminds you of where you need to be when, notices the people around you, makes judgments about people and experiences, maybe says critical things to you about yourself, perhaps dredges up anxious thoughts about what others are probably thinking about you or what you’ve done wrong, or what could go wrong…

In therapy we’ll be looking for ways to quiet the mind and allow your heartbeat to slow, so all that internal chatter can calm down.

That’s when we can start to tune into the body and learn about your inner voice. We’ll use breathing techniques and mindfulness tools to slowly build the mental muscle of hitting the brakes and slowing down all that stream-of-consciousness that masks your internal voice.

Once we get to know that inner voice of yours…

… we’ll begin the process of listening to it as often as possible, in all different kinds of scenarios, so you can feel more connected to yourself and more empowered to make choices and change relationships, so you feel satisfied each day.

Much of this is about practice and actually using the tools you’ll learn, so that tuning into yourself becomes muscle memory, and eventually it’ll happen on its own rather often (though you’ll still need to consciously choose to practice to keep that muscle strong).

You’re craving a sense of self…

… a sense of trust in your ability to know what is best for you. To feel confident in making those choices for you.

Give me a call, and let me show you how: (720) 432-3842.